These are the nights when I feel like there is something fishy going on. At the back of my mind, I think that perhaps he is not telling me the truth. But on the other side, I just wanna believe that he is being real.

Anyways, what can I do? We are so far away. We met only twice, yet I am not sure why I am feeling this way. He doesn't know that I am sometimes crying because of him, because of the feeling that I am not supposed to feel.

It may be wrong to lie but I am doing so. I am not telling the truth to my family for fear that they will get mad at me. I know they only want to protect me, but this time, I allowed my id to conquer my being.

Sometimes I feel stupid. My feelings are taking over me! I can't escape it. There are still doubts crowding over my being and I want to control it. But God, I just can't.

Tonight, I am longing for someone whom I hope is being true to me. If he does not, well, perhaps God will find a way. And Lord, please teach me what to do. I am confused...